Raising Children to Still Find Wonder in the Real World

Outdoor time instantly boosts a child’s mood.

I’ve always known this since I had my first baby. If my baby was crying and I couldn’t quite figure out why, I would just take him outside and he would instantly settle. Looking at the leaves on a tree and feeling the breeze on his face, his nervous system would calm down.

Even babies know that we are designed to be in the natural world.

And with older children, if they are cranky, arguing with one another, or bored, head outside for a hike together or go for a swim in a river or ocean, and you’ll see how quickly their moods change.

This mood shift takes place even in less-than-ideal weather conditions. With the right attire, the wonder of the natural world takes over—jumping in muddy puddles and laughing in rain gear (or not), building a snowman in snow clothes, and finding joy in experiences that don’t require anything to be turned on.

What is the opposite image, in your mind, from free outdoor play with friends?

I picture being indoors, isolated, and on artificial-light-emitting screens.

The Natural World Is Where Children Thrive

The solitary virtual world creates a sedentary, isolated environment that is far removed from many of the experiences children need for healthy development.

And living in an electronic, screen-dominant world, I’ve had my share of experiences with screens while raising five kids of all different ages and stages.

Watch my podcast episode with Chris McKenna on the dangers of smartphones and social media for kids. His motto is “Delay Is the Way”—the longer you can wait to get your child a smart phone, the better.

Personally, I’ve yet to meet a parent who told me they wish they had gotten their child a smartphone sooner. They almost always express wishing they had waited until their child was older.

Parents use screen time as a way to get some “peace” in their day,

but by doing so, they often sabotage the environment of the home afterward, because crankiness is a common result of extended screen use.

And while screens may temporarily make life quieter, they can also create more begging, more conflict, and less peace in the long run.

Children need opportunities to practice waiting, observing the world around them, talking with their family, and finding ways to entertain themselves.

2.Be the Example

How can you expect your child to be content with little screen time if you yourself are addicted and using screens on an hourly, or even minute by minute basis in front of them?

When you are in a waiting room at your daughter’s dance class, are you scrolling on your phone while your son sits next to you? Instead, bring a few books to read to him, play a board game together, or strike up a conversation with him and another parent next to you while you wait for your daughter’s class to end.

This one is so pivotal and important to emphasize as I rarely, in situations like this, see parents stepping up and avoiding screen use in public.

I get that this might sounds dramatic but to me it feels like an entire waiting room of zombie-like scrolling from adults and kids alike surround us as I read a book to my child. Let’s break this habit that is causing less real world socialization, 

I know the way our phones are set up now means that a dominant part of our lives takes place on screens. But there’s a high likelihood that if you are reading this, there is room for improvement in your own screen use.

In this waiting room example, I only pull out my phone if I have a time sensitive text or call I need to answer or reply to. Other than that it is completely tucked away.

Take an honest look at your own screen use. Notice how often—and why—you reach for your phone, and then take action.

I personally put my phone on Do Not Disturb mode all day until I am in a place where I am not near my children. I have only a few of the most important people who might need to reach me for some reason on Emergency Bypass.

Because I don’t want to be tempted to look at and respond to a text that doesn’t need to be responded to right then.

I also have all notifications for any app turned completely off always.

You can also set your phone to black and white so it’s less addicting to reach for.

To do this: 

Open: settings
Go to Accessibility
Select Display & Text Size
Tap Color Filters
Turn the switch on and choose Grayscale

I highly recommend listening to the compelling Diary of a CEO podcast episode with Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt and Harvard physician Dr Aditi Nerurkar on how social media and over use of smart phones is rotting our brains: LISTEN HERE

3.Set Clear Boundaries Around When and How Much Screen Time Is Allowed

Make this schedule clear to your children so they know what to expect.

Children thrive with rhythm and consistency in their lives. They are so much less likely to argue and beg for more screens when they know the family’s rhythms.

And don’t be afraid to make adjustments.

Andrew and I have a family meeting once every six months or so and reassess many different aspects of our lives with the kids: what’s working, what’s not, what can be improved upon, what is holding us back, etc.

Involve your children in this process so they feel like the contributing members of your family that they are.

4.Delay Is the Way

As mentioned above, delay getting your child a smartphone as long as possible.

My eldest will be 15 soon, and he does not yet have a phone. We are planning to get him a “dumb” phone when he is around 15 or 15½—either a flip phone or the Light Phone, which allows calls, texts, maps, and music - no apps.

Thankfully the community we have built has similar values, so most of his friends don’t have phones yet either. (Building the community of your dreams might be another post coming your way in the future.)

My husband Andrew recently got the Light Phone to get rid of his smartphone, which, to us, is such a great way to set the tone for the family.

Even Dad doesn’t have a smartphone.

Also, when your children do get access to a smartphone, don’t give them unlimited access—anytime and anywhere.

An example of this could be:

I highly recommend checking out the content from both Chris McKenna and Jonathan Haidt for more information about kids and smartphone use.

5.Keep Passwords Under Parental Control

Don’t give your children access to passwords that open the screens. This way, children will not be tempted to open tablets, the iPad, the computer, or your phone without parental consent.

None of our children have the passwords to open any of the devices in our home It makes it super easy so that we know exactly when someone is on a screen.

There is also the Bark app, which helps parents monitor concerning online activity and receive alerts about certain searches, messages, or content.

6.Be Intentional About What Your Children Watch

Be intentional with what kinds of content your children are permitted to watch.

Not all screen use is equal, and the quality, stimulation level, messaging, and context of what children watch all matter. More on this later.

7. It’s Okay for Your Child to Be Bored

Actually, it’s better than okay.

What a gift to be bored!

One thing I say to my children when they come to me proclaiming their boredom is:

“What a gift it is to be bored. I can’t wait to see what you create out of that boredom.”

Boredom creates the space for children to generate their own ideas instead of constantly receiving stimulation from something else.

This is KEY!

Boredom not only strengthens independent play and creativity, but it also encourages problem-solving and builds patience and frustration tolerance.

Boredom makes ordinary life feel more interesting. When children aren’t constantly receiving high-intensity stimulation, simpler experiences—a puddle, a stick, a shell, a backyard, or a card game—can become genuinely engaging.

What a gift it is to be bored!

I can’t remember the last time I was bored and had nothing to do. I encourage my kids to soak it up while they can.

8.Start a Weekly Screen-Free Day for the whole family

—or even a monthly screen-free day if that’s all you can swing.

Turn your phone on airplane mode and tuck it into a drawer. You will be amazed at how invigorating it feels for you and your kids to have your truly undivided attention and to spend the day together without screens.

Don’t Just Take Screens Away—Build a Life Your Children DON’T WANT TO MISS

So, what should you do if you’re reading this and realizing your children are watching altogether too many screens?

Give children something meaningful to do instead.

This may be the most important piece because removing screens without restoring real life can make screen limits feel like deprivation.

Don’t just take screens away—build a life your children don’t want to miss.

Fill your family rhythm with more outdoor time, creative projects, books, new hobbies, friendship experiences, family responsibilities, a bi-weekly dip in living water like an ocean or river, and opportunities for real-world independence.

Children are less likely to rely on screens when they have meaningful ways to play, contribute, explore, and feel capable.

This brings us right to how screens could never compete with this feeling.

And once you get there, the whole nervous system of the family changes.

Navigating the screen shift in your family

• Give children more freedom in the real world—not more freedom online.

  Avoid hovering over your child’s every move, say YES more when they want to help in the kitchen, and trust your child as they navigate real life.

• Teach Children to Recognize Persuasive Technology

Teach your children how technology is designed to influence them.

Talk openly about algorithms, infinite scrolling, notifications, advertising, and why platforms want to keep their attention.

Instead of simply saying, “Screens are bad,” help children understand what these companies are designed to do and why healthy boundaries matter.

That gives children media literacy to set them up for a lifetime, rather than only external restrictions.

• Be Willing to Hold the Boundary Through the Discomfort

When children are used to frequent screen stimulation, reducing it may initially bring boredom, complaining, frustration, or repeated requests for more.

Stay calm, be consistent, and give them time to rediscover other ways to play and engage.

• Use Screens Intentionally—Not Just Because They Are Available

Know why you are turning the screen on.

Before handing over a device, ask:

What is the purpose?

Is it an online art class for creativity? Is it part of they homeschool curriculum for learning? A family movie? Or simply because everyone is bored?

Not all screen use is equal, and being intentional helps prevent screens from becoming the automatic answer to every quiet moment.

• Watch with your children When Possible

This gives you opportunities to talk about what they are seeing, ask questions, and laughter together. The movie becomes a family bonding experience this way.

A shared family movie is very different from a child alone with endless personalized videos or video games.

The Types of Content Children Are Watching

I’ve always been mindful about what my children watch.

This was modeled to me when I was a child. My mother VCR-recorded The Wizard of Oz and stopped recording during the parts with the witch. So I didn’t realize there was a witch in The Wizard of Oz until I was a teenager. 😅

We didn’t have cable TV, and I wasn’t allowed to watch Friends in high school because of all the casual sex.

Looking back, I’m sure that had an effect on my own choices about what I let my children watch as well.

My mom knew in the ’90s that children are highly impressionable with developing brains.

But the movies and TV shows of today require even more introspection and attention.

Because not only does the messaging matter for our kids to watch—whether it promotes something true, uplifting, and beautiful—but the amount of highly stimulating, short-attention-span-encouraging content is at an all-time high.

The movies of today are, unbeknownst to most, actually competing with social media. As the attention spans of young people have become shorter, many movies have also become increasingly fast-paced and highly stimulating in an effort to keep viewers engaged without a second to breathe.

Just watch almost any new movie that has come out in the last few years.

Every 3–4 seconds, there is either a rapid scene change, flashing light, loud music, or constant movement—zooming in, zooming out, bending around, etc.

Contrast that with older movies like The Sound of Music and Lady and the Tramp, which relied on slow storytelling, beautiful scenery, and gentle music to draw you in.

Many kids today who are used to modern movies and shows will find a classic like The Sound of Music absolutely boring.

Children have become accustomed to a faster pace of entertainment, and changing that requires awareness and an intentional shift.

My Experience Navigating Screens
With 5 Kids

I’m mostly satisfied with how Andrew and I have navigated screens so far with our children over the last 14 years, with a few bumps in the road.

We’ve always been very intentional and in alignment with our values when it comes to the types of content we allow in our home, but the amount of screen use has changed—going from down, then up, and then down again—over the years.

What feels aligned with your values?

I have some friends who allow their children to play video games that we don’t allow in our home, some friends who don’t have video games in their homes at all, and some friends who watch even fewer screens overall than we do.

Every family will make different choices. The goal is not for every family to have identical rules. The goal is to be intentional and honest about whether your family’s screen habits are supporting the life you want to create.

Movies

We have been doing family movie night once a week for years, which, to me, feels like a family ritual that we all laugh and enjoy together.

Every Sunday night, my husband makes lasagna, and we all watch a movie together.

It’s the togetherness and tradition that feels right for us.

We most often stick to older films like the original Mary Poppins, It’s a Wonderful Life, the original Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, The Princess Bride, Hook, Sandlot, etc.

You might be wondering how we find family movies that appeal to all ages.

Tasking parents with finding a movie that both appeals to teenagers and is appropriate and enchanting to toddlers is no easy feat.

There was one time when Andrew picked a very slow but meaningful movie, Mr. Holland’s Opus, for family movie night.

Halfway through, Koufax—who was 5 years old at the time and generally likes any movie we pick—stated plainly:

“THIS…is NOT a good movie.” 😅

Every once in a while, it’s a miss for us, but most of the time we nail it.

TV Shows

As far as TV shows go, back when we only had one, two, and three children, rare was the day our children would watch a TV show.

But once our fourth child came along, life felt very full-on, our workload was heavy, and we got into the habit of the kids watching a couple of children’s TV shows daily for about a year.

Looking back, that felt like too much for us, and we were living out of integrity with our values.

The compulsive habit of the kids feeling a need—or I might even call it a desperation—to watch TV every day set in.

Once we noticed this, we realized we were using daily TV as a crutch to “get a break” from childrearing.

But it actually served us less than we wanted because crankiness and whining almost always ensued afterward.

Now our kids rarely watch TV.

Getting out of the habit completely reduced their desire, and they rarely ask for TV anymore.

Their default when they’re bored is now:

“Come on, guys, let’s go outside!”

Then I see them run amok outside together—riding bikes, making up a game, playing in the rain, playing baseball together, etc.

And they come in all sweaty and happy.

On the rare occasion that they ask to watch TV or play a video game, I’ll ask them what feeling they are looking for when asking for a show. 

“Entertainment!” They’ll say. 

So I then provide for them an alternative experience we can do that will light them up. “Let’s build the biggest fort we’ve ever made!” Then I’ll make them watermelon juice while they listen to a story on the Yoto player, 

Or I’ll help them put together a little play or musical number on their instruments that entertains each other.

On rare occasion, about once a month, if they are really convincing by giving me a list of what they will do after watching one 25 minute, low stimulation, mom approved show, I let them convince me. Because being persuasive in a healthy, calm manner and working together to meet each other’s concerns and desires is a win win for me.

Things Sandy and Scout will say: “We played all day at the beach today already and we won’t whine afterwards and we will right away go outside with Koufax and Dagny afterwards, and we just want to watch one 25 minute show. We promise to turn if off right away. And we promise not to ask for another show again for a long while.”

“Ok kids you’ve convinced me.”

Then they TOGETHER watch an episode where laughter ensues.

But RARITY really is the key here

Children thrive with rhythm, consistency, and knowing what to expect.

Rather than allowing screen time to become the predictable rhythm of childhood, we want nature, outdoor play, creativity, and real-world experiences to become the default.

When TV is rare and intentional, it can remain a special experience. But when it becomes a regular part of the daily routine, children may begin to feel like they need it.

Video Games

I personally never had the desire to introduce video games into our family, but that’s not unusual as a woman who didn’t grow up with video games and still doesn’t get the draw.

Andrew, on the other hand, has fond memories playing games like Mario Kart with his brothers and friends growing up.

So when our two eldest boys had best friends who got their first Nintendo Switch, of course our kids came home asking to get a Switch of their own.

I was hesitant, but Andrew thought it would be fine.

They were given very specific video games that were fully approved by us, like Mario Kart, and were given a set amount of time each week that they were allowed to play.

No highly addictive games like Call of Duty or Roblox are allowed in our home.

Our eldest now loves a classic from the 90’s: Age of Empires that he plays with his cousin.

In past years, the amount we gave them was 30-45 minutes for two days during the week after their school work and one hour on the weekend.

But to be honest, we are on our way out with them playing video games regularly, and this whole summer they have not been playing.

I’ve been clearing my schedule to have the freedom to take my 11 year old surfing with his friends most days. This fills up his day and when he gets home he runs right back outside to play with his siblings, or rests on the deck to read a book with fresh fruit.

By keeping encouraging them to go outside and also filling our days with surfing and nature experiences, they don’t have much time for video games anyway.

The older boys know that we don’t want the younger kids to stop their play-based, real-world experiences to watch their older brothers play video games, and it has become a discussion for our family.

So our 14 year old, who understandably deserves extra freedom in his teen years, is finding ways to meet our concerns, by playing the Age of Empires video game with his cousin once or twice a week when all the rest of the kids happen to be out of the house (for errands, the beach, a playdate, etc.) That way all the other kids aren’t tempted to slouch on the couch and watch their brother play video games, and that way our eldest still gets to enjoy a video game with his friend.

It’s what feels balanced for us in this phase, and every year we are slightly adjusting things.

Don’t be afraid to mix things up!

Every once in a while, all five kids will play Mario Kart together and take turns playing the four-person game.

To me, that is a much better and more aligned experience than each kid playing in isolation and zoning out by themselves.

We don’t plan to introduce video games to our three younger children as a regular part of their lives, and we have already spoken to them about this extensively. They don’t crave it mostly anyways and have been bonding together in the real world.

This feels very aligned for us!

Ultimately, It’s About Creating a Family Culture That Feels Aligned for You.

Every family’s screen time will be different, and no single approach is right for everyone.

It’s whether it feels aligned for you that matters.

My guess is that if you clicked on this blog post, you are interested in changing something in your family regarding screens.

Take an honest audit of your family’s screen time, and if it feels unideal to you, make a change.

Any change.

But just start one step at a time.

Before you know it, you’ll be creating a whole different family dynamic and culture around screens than you had a few months prior.

This is not just about “limiting screens.”

It’s about protecting childhood by making real life rich enough to compete.

It’s about giving children more freedom in the real world—not more freedom online.

It’s about allowing them to be bored long enough to become creative, giving them opportunities to build competence, and creating a home where connection, outdoor play, meaningful responsibility, and real-world experiences are part of the family rhythm.

Because I want my children to grow up in a real world that is still fascinating enough to hold their attention.